But what could S.S. bring to the movie that was not already shitty in the first one?

He will definitely not use Fatty McFlabby Johnny T.  Nope.

He will not even look at Deborah Winger.  To ugly now.

Well he could always use the ever so popular Zac Efron.  The kid has good looks and he can cut a rug pretty damn well.  As for Sissy, I say use Mr. Brian Austin Green’s X.  Oh yes, the ever so lovely Megan Fox.

What about Scott Glen.  Who the fuck can replace his character?  Oh I got it, what about Sylar from Heroes.  He could play the bad guy.

Now my only problem with this whole movie is where it will be filmed.  Since there is no more Gilley’s in Pasadena Texas how can you replace that.  And you know that Mickey Gilley is not going to have any thing to do with it, so this really just sounds like a lost cause.

But on a brighter note, the one interesting thing that I found out is that S.S. is considering a “MAJOR CHANGE” in the mechanical bull for this film.  Now this is where it could get interesting.  Rumors have it that S.S. will be going for a more modern approach to the mechanical bull.

Straight from the Paparazzi we have our first underground photo of the pre-production.  Sources say that Spielberg had a “FANTASTIC TIME” trying out his modern version of the mechanical bull

Here is the article straight from military.com:

Feb 12, 2009

Silver Spring, Md. – The America’s Army PC game, which lets players explore Soldiering, has been recognized with five records in the upcoming Guinness World Records 2009: Gamer’s Edition.

The second installment of the “Gamer’s Bible,” began hitting book-store shelves Feb. 4, featuring the definitive collection of video game records, facts and trivia. The first edition of Guinness World Records Gamer’s Edition was published in February 2008, and received critical accolades from gaming industry reviewers.

Guinness World Records is the universally recognized authority on record-breaking achievement. First published in 1955, the annual Guinness World Records book is published in more than 100 countries and 25 languages and is one of the highest-selling books under copyright of all time with more than 3 million copies sold annually across the globe.

In this year’s Gamer’s Edition, the America’s Army PC game received awards in the following categories:

• Largest Virtual Army — In January 2007, America’s Army recruited its 8 millionth registered user; at the same time, the actual U.S. Army had just 519,472 Soldiers on active duty. This makes the virtual America’s Army 15 times larger than the real thing. Today the game has more than 9.7 million registered users.

• Most Downloaded War Video Game — According to official estimates, America’s Army, in all its various iterations, has been downloaded more than 42.6 million times. It is also the most downloaded game from Fileplanet.com, itself one of the most popular gaming download sites on the Internet. The most recent version of the game was downloaded almost 2.4 million times between January and July 2008.

• Most Hours Spent Playing a Free Online Shooter — According to the U.S. Army, as of August 2008, gamers have spent more than 230.9 million hours playing the PC version of America’s Army. Gamers from more than 60 countries have played America’s Army since it was launched in 2002.

• Earliest Military Website to Support a Video Game — The Web site americasarmy.com is the first military Web site to support a video game series. America’s Army is also the first multi-platform game to receive a government-licensed trademark.

• Largest Traveling Game Simulator — The Virtual Army Experience is a highly modified version of America’s Army that includes six life-size vehicles surrounded by multiple flat screens, with room for up to 50 participants. Mounted in the vehicles are modified light-gun weapons. The teams inside each vehicle, which shakes in reaction to nearby explosions, are tasked to drive supplies to a beleaguered group of aid workers in dangerous territory. The exhibit takes up 19,500 square feet.

The U.S. Army recently announced the upcoming America’s Army 3 game will be released later this year. AA3 will be rated T for Teen by the Entertainment Software Rating Board. AA3 will use the state-of-the-art Unreal Engine 3. America’s Army game developers promise to bring the most popular trademark gameplay features from the previous versions to an all new level in AA3.

Highlights of AA3 include authentic weapons and technologies, realistic training and exciting gameplay missions. AA3 will provide players new insights into the Army and Soldiering, officials said, adding it will make the game easier to play, easier to install and easier to download.

I would check my email every morning and there would be at least 7 of these in my inbox every damn day.  So I did like most of you and I either hit the delete or junk button.

BUT THEN ONE DAY I had a great idea. 

What if I could use their own letter against them?

It turns out, if you poke back at them, they will leave you alone.  At least I think they do.  I might end up dead.

The last thing you want to do is get on the bad side of a Rwanda warlord.

So here was my letter back to Sayed from this morning.

From: Sayed Laila [mailto:lails@j-mail.info]
Sent: Saturday, February 14, 2009 2:48 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: Vital Information.

Hello,

I am from Sokoto, Nigeria, i want to know if you can allow me invest 

my money in your company as your partner. i have been into real estate business for many years until my recent retirement following my doctor’s advice for me to avoid any form of stress because of my failing health.

 please tell me, can you invest my money for me? if you agree, we shall both

share the total annual profit.

Remain bless,

Sayed Laila Esq.

Email: lailasd1@j-mail.info

My Dearest Sayed,

I just want you to know how luck and fortunate I am that you have contacted me.  I too am from Nigeria.  Not Sokoto, that is where all the assholes live.  I am actually from a village just south of your location called Tokotwalee.  It is a lovely town with beautiful sand and fleas.  I bet you would have never known this, but I was also in the real estate market up until last year.  I came down with a rare disease called Gordopenileenthrusame which is basically a overgrowth of the penis.  I went from 5″ to 14-1/2″ in over a year.  Sure some would love to have a penis growth of this magnitude, but do you know what it is like to carry around 3 pounds of flesh between your legs?  I have lost several girlfriends and I was even fired from my work because the boss said it was getting in the way.  So I have taken the advice from my doctor and I too am now taking it easy and avoiding stress.  Over the last several months I have found that gay Nigerian men are the only ones that can handle my penis size and I am very grateful for this.  I know that I will be able to keep having some sort of sex life.  So my dear Sayed I have a proposition for you.

If you are willing to come to America and let me stick my ENTIRE penis inside of you, I will consider your investment offer.  No one will have to know and I bet when we are through, you will be begging me for more.  Every man has a gay side to them, I think it is time to explore yours.  I am currently staying at the Hotel Ritz (room 232) in New York city.  I will be here for several months while the doctors see if there is some cure for my enormous penis.  I will be waiting for you my sweet Sayed.  Please consider my offer.  You will enjoy the annual profit and I will enjoy the anal.

Yours Truly

I told you!  I told you all that this would be his next masterpiece.  The teaser trailer is freaking AWESOME!

Brad Pitt was the perfect choice and I think there will be way more to come out of his performance in this film.  Remember the scene from the trailer is just the set up for the rest of the movie.  If he (Pitt) is pulling it off that well and that is only the premise.  HOLY SHIT hold on to your girlfriend’s seat belt cause this is going to be one hell of a ride.

I expect there to be just a little bit of gore.

Mr. Tarantino I thank you so much for making this film.  You needed to go back to what you do best…

Your OWN script, your OWN movie. 

Leave those other people alone and just do what you do best.

Boys and girls I present to you

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS…

Click here to view the embedded video.

Eddie Murphy will star in the next installment of Beverly Hills Cop.

Are you excited?

Well me neither at first, but here are a few things that got me interested.

First, it will be directed by Brett Ratner.  That is a plus.  If you remember, he did the Rush Hour movies.  So going over to another cop action type genre film should not be that hard for him.

Second, it will get Murphy away from playing the one man sole actor playing many different actors in a movie role.  Seriously I am wayyyyyyy tired of this.  Eddie Murphy is probably one of the funniest actors on the planet, but he has tried to be selfish in his roles.  He did not want anyone else around to help him.  Go back and watch Harlem Nights.  This is probably one of his best movies and he was surrounded by an incredible cast that made the movie work.

Murphy just went for the big paydays with the one man gang films.  And he succeeded!

Finally here is my last and MAJOR point.

This movie will be rated “R”!

Holy shit finally a film with some courage to get the dirty stuff back into movies.  Right off the bat this movie is not going for the 10 kabillion dollar payoff.  No, instead they are going back to a time when movies where funny, edgy, and dirt gritty.

And who could pull this off?  Eddie Murphy can.  Holy shit I have got a potty mouth, but Eddie leaves me in the dust.  He has got the whole septic tank and shit recovery station mouth in one.  He is one of the leaders of the DIRTY comedy and he banked off of his mouth back in the day.

The scoop on the movie is this.  This will not be Beverly Hills Cop 4.  If you remember #3 sucked complete ass, so they are trying to forget that movie was ever made.  INSTEAD, it will be self titled and they are going to try and capture the best parts of 1 and 2 and start the whole franchise over.

Do I think it could work?  Sure.  Do I think it will be any good?  Dunno.

Harrison Ford, George Lucas, and Steven Spielberg waited 20 years to bring Indy back into the spotlight.

Did it work?

Not really.

But, this is rated “R” and that is our only hope.  Just let Murphy loose on the set and I am sure he could pull some pretty funny shit out of his septic tank.

But back on track.  The America’s Army game started about 6 years ago with its first release.  Now if you have never played this game you are missing out and here’s why.  First it is FREE!  Yup, it is 100% free.  Second it was developed by the Army for a training experience for their troops and then they decided to release it to the public so you should feel privileged that the Army is sharing it with you.  And finally it is a pretty damn good game.

I got the full scoop on the upcoming game from military.com and I will share the full article below.  I normally don’t do this, but there is a lot of good content in the article, so I wanted to share the whole thing.

Here it is in its entirety:

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Six years after the U.S. Army revolutionized military action games with the launch of the free personal computer game America’s Army, the Army has announced the upcoming release of America’s Army 3.

America’s Army is the only free action game that delivers an authentic Army experience, officials said, by reflecting the training, technology, actions and career advancement of a Soldier within a unique exciting game experience.

AA3, which will be rated T for Teen by the Entertainment Software Rating Board, will be released later this year. As with previous versions of America’s Army, officials said AA3 will be constantly updated to include new features and missions and to highlight new technologies being incorporated in today’s Army.

Using the state-of-the-art Unreal Engine 3, America’s Army game developers brought the most popular trademark gameplay features from the previous versions to AA3. Highlights include authentic weapons and technologies, realistic training and exciting gameplay missions.

More detailed interaction

AA3 will provide players new insights into the Army and Soldiering while making the game easier to play, easier to install and easier to download, according to its producers

“In AA3 we’ve taken all of the best features in AA2, incorporated feedback from the AA community and added the latest technology to develop a high-tech game that can be customized by the player to create a much more detailed interactive experience,” said Michael Bode, executive producer of the America’s Army game. “One of our key design philosophies is to make the game easily accessible to a new player, while at the same time keeping a deeper layer of complexity for the more advanced players to discover and take advantage of.”

AA3 highlights different aspects of the Army from Army Values and the Warrior Ethos to Army career opportunities and lifestyles both on and off duty. Through their in-game characters, AA3 players will be able to experience the way Soldiers train, live, and advance in the Army. AA3 players will also experience different types of technologies and equipment used by the Army’s high-tech Soldier.

Values integral to ROE

Players are bound by Rules of Engagement, or ROE, and gain experience as they navigate challenges in team-based, multiplayer, force-on-force operations. In the game, as in the Army, accomplishing missions requires teamwork and adherence to the seven Army Core Values. In the game, a player’s actions and demonstrated Army values will have consequences that are integral to success in gameplay and will affect a player’s career progression.

“With AA3, we’re taking military gaming to an all new level where every detail counts,” said Col. Casey Wardynski, originator and director of the America’s Army game project. “We want our America’s Army 3 players to have a greater understanding of the Army and its values. Our Soldiers are aspirational figures and our players are able to virtually experience many aspects of a Soldier’s life from their training, to their missions, to the way the Army has influenced their lives.”

As with the previous America’s Army games, AA3′s authenticity is second-to-none, Wardynski said. The Army development team worked closely with subject-matter experts from across the Army to make sure that everything about the game is as realistic as possible.

Unreal Engine 3 delivers realism

AA3 has more authentic military elements including training, technology, weapons, and audio than any other military game. Built on Unreal Engine 3, AA3 delivers stunningly realistic environments, lighting effects, animations, and team-based experiences.

AA3 players will have persistent characters that they customize by embarking on career paths in which they advance by completing specialized training and accomplishing missions. The evolution of the player’s career follows the same progression as it would in the Army.

Players are rewarded at significant milestones, such as graduation from basic training or returning from a deployment, through pride moments — vignettes represented visually as an achievement screen, movie or a slide show. These pride moments transition the player from one state of training or character progression to another.

Initially, the core of the gameplay focuses on an Infantry Soldier (11B military occupational specialty). Players can select from a variety of roles that the 11B performs such as Rifleman, Automatic Rifleman, Designated Marksman and Grenadier.

New specialties coming

The first additional MOS players can explore is 68W Health Care Specialist (Combat Medic) which will be added this summer. Players who complete advanced individual training modules can take on new MOS roles that will affect gameplay. For example, by completing medic training, players will be able to treat minor and major injuries in single-player training missions and render advanced medical aid in multi-player missions.

In subsequent game releases, players who complete Combat Engineer training will be able to assist in mission pre-planning, such as emplacing an obstacle to impede the mobility of enemy forces.

Training is a key element in the AA3 game just as it is in the Army, the game producers say. The game offers a variety of new training levels that will give players an advantage. After completing basic training, players can go to advanced training to increase their in-game skill level and progress in their Army career.

Success in the game earns players the privilege of taking specialized training. This specialized training allows players to unlock new abilities and gear, and to customize the gear they carry as well as their equipment loadout.

As players advance, they will be able to ‘cross-train’ on many different MOSs available in today’s Army. Such players will be highly sought after – according to the game producers — due to the capabilities they bring to multi-player missions. Additionally, as a new feature, players will have the ability to join online games with limited capabilities using the “instant action” feature.

About America’s Army

The Army creates and distributes America’s Army so that young Americans can virtually explore Soldiering in the U.S. Army like Soldiers experience it – as individuals and as members of teams, the game producers said.

Through the game’s virtual experiences, young Americans can explore the Army from basic training at Fort Benning, Ga., and medic training at Fort Sam Houston, Texas, to operations in defense of freedom. Along the way, they can join elite Army units and experience the strength of Army teamwork, values and technology within an engaging environment.

The game has become an online phenomenon, consistently ranking among the most popular PC action games played online. The games are rated T for Teen and can be downloaded free from various partners listed on the www.americasarmy.com site. They are also distributed at local Army Recruiting stations, ROTC Detachments and Army events.

The Army launched the first version America’s Army in July of 2002, and has released major updates to the game every few months. These releases feature new technologies, missions, Army units and occupations. In keeping with the dynamic nature of Soldiering, the America’s Army game will continue to expand and will allow players to explore the Army of today, tomorrow and the future, officials said. They said America’s Army 3 will be an entirely new version of the game.

THIS MOVIE IS EVERY SINGLE STAR WARS GEEK’S FANTASY!

Do not argue with me on this.  You would give your left testicle to be able to do a secret mission and break into Skywalker Ranch.  You would.  Don’t even debate it.  YOU KNOW YOU WOULD!

Alright so if you are really dying to go and check this movie out (I know I am) here is the list of where it will be debuting:

New York
1. AMC Lincoln Square
2. AMC Empire
3. Regal Union Square
4. Regal Farmingdale
5. Regal New Roc City

Los Angeles
1.Mann Chinese
2.Arclight Sherman Oaks
3.AMC Santa Monica
4.AMC Rolling Hills
5.Regal Long Beach 26

Philadelphia
1. Landmark Ritz at Bourse
2. AMC Neshaminy
3. AMC Cherry Hill

Chicago
1. AMC Pipers Alley
2. AMC River East and a midnight screening
3. AMC Barrington 30

San Francisco
1. AMC Metre on 16
2. Century 20 Downtown Redwood City
3. Century 20 Daly City
4. Century Northgate 15 Cinemas

Houston
1. AMC Studio 30 and a midnight screening
2. AMC Gulf Pointe 30
3. CITY Angelika Film Center

Seattle
1. AMC Pacific Place
2. Centurion Lincoln Square Bellevue
3. Regal Alderwood
4. Regal Parkway Plaza 12 Tukwila
5. AMC Cinerama – Thursday midnight, Friday and Sunday – NO SATURDAY.

Austin
1. Alamo Ritz and a midnight screening

Good Luck to all and if you live in Houston Grumms and I will definitely be there.  Just look for the two guys sitting in the audience together…

Click here to view the embedded video.

I bet he was sitting at home on his couch watching Mutual of Omahas Wild Kingdom and pulling on his dong like there was no tomorrow.  Then after secreting and eating his own body fluids, he went through the ritual of getting nude and sunbathing in front of his fireplace.  After baking on a gas induced 3rd degree burn, he probably walked into his kitchen and got his jar of Peter Pan Extra Chunky peanut butter and proceeded to mend his burns with a cool and nutty epidermis.  Once he was fully lathered with Peter’s nutz he proceeded to dawn his stalker clothing and then he meditated to Bjork (seriously that bitch would make me want to kill someone as well).  Now for the weapon.  I fucking guarantee you that this guy lives in a single apartment in the middle of shit-ville.  His apartment is dirty as fuck, with roaches, boxes, empty soda cans and cat feces spread out all over the place like some sort of new laminate flooring.  BUT!  Hanging on his wall in a perfect glass covered mahogany shadow box is his beautiful pride and joy.  He thinks he is a Klingon, he knows that he is a Klingon, he knows from the voices in his head that those are his superior Klingon officers giving him orders.  So in the tradition of the Klingon he lives a frugal life, but his Klingon weapon will always remain perfect and ready for use.

What a fucking QUACK!

So now he is out on his mission.  But when you are practically a homeless retard, you have no expendable cash so you have to look for alternative solutions.  “I have got it!  I will rob the convenience store right next to my apartments (you sometimes have to get into the mind of the retard and think how they would think) and then I will have enough money to take a bus across town and kill with honor”.

What the retard did not realize is that if you hold up a convenience store with that kind of weapon you are already targeted as a joke.  The store clerk put on his best scared impression and gave the retard like a $20 spot.  Thinking he had just hit the jackpot (cause you know that a retard cannot calculate quickly) he immediately left the store.

He rounded the corner forgot that he needed to wait for the bus, but instead he hailed a cab.  So after the cab ride across town (incidentally he didn’t even know where to go.  he just told the cabbie to take him across town to a dark and secluded location) the cabbie kicked him out quickly becuase he smelled, he snatched the $20 and drove off.  It must suck when a cabbie tells you that you stink.

Now out of money once again the retard has no escape route once he finds his prey.

“I have got it.  I need more money”.

But this time the retard killer was going to meet his Klingon knowledgeable clerk.

Once entering the store and demanding money, the clerks basically laughed in his face, told him that he smelled like shit covered peanuts and they swept him out of the store using brooms.

The clerks also told him that the Klingon Bat’leth was only for Klingons with honor and he had none.  The clerks immediately went inside and called the cops.

Feeling sorry for himself the lonely retarded Klingon hopeful walked up to the first bridge he found cut his own head off (Klingon sacrifice style) with his Bat’leth and his body and the unused murder weapon fell into the icy fast flowing river below.

The police have still not found the man or the weapon used in the robberies.

He will surely be missed.

Star Wars goes graphic?  Are you freaking serious?  This is the day that I have been waiting for boys and girls, some actual blood and guts and stank and beefcake in the Star Wars world.  Please please tell me that Lucas did not have a damn thing to do with this other than just saying “ok”.  Please tell me that you will actually get to see some hard core scenes in Star Wars like they have never been seen before.

Oh wait, shit I forgot it is a book.  No problem, that is what the mind is used for.  Do you know how many times I have turned a SW film into a porno in my mind.  God damn what I wouldn’t have done to be able to carbonite freeze some female interests of mine.

I would start with Storm Large.  Damn she is so sexy.  Am I the only person that finds her oh so HOTT!

Now that I am spent let’s get back to the graphic novel.

Deathtroopers is written by Joe Schrieber, the graphic novel is suppose to hit us somewhere around Halloween.  Creepy.

There is no information on the novel yet, but if it is anything less than a damn cult slasher film, it will really disappoint.  Come on it has to be, just look at the cover.

I mean this looks like something straight outta Friday the 13th or Halloween or Texas Chainsaw.

Oh I prey to the SW gods that be…please bring me some SW content with some good gratuitous filth that I have been waiting for oh so long.

I love you Storm…….