Nigerian Scam Letters

I love reading email.  You get such a variety of reading material every single day.  Spam filters?  Ya they do not work.  My favorite of all junk mail is the Nigerian Scam Letters.  You know the ones where they ask you if you will deposit a $100,000,000 check in your bank account and all they want in return is 50 pesos.

I would check my email every morning and there would be at least 7 of these in my inbox every damn day.  So I did like most of you and I either hit the delete or junk button.

BUT THEN ONE DAY I had a great idea. 

What if I could use their own letter against them?

It turns out, if you poke back at them, they will leave you alone.  At least I think they do.  I might end up dead.

The last thing you want to do is get on the bad side of a Rwanda warlord.

So here was my letter back to Sayed from this morning.


From: Sayed Laila []
Sent: Saturday, February 14, 2009 2:48 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: Vital Information.




I am from Sokoto, Nigeria, i want to know if you can allow me invest 

my money in your company as your partner. i have been into real estate business for many years until my recent retirement following my doctor’s advice for me to avoid any form of stress because of my failing health.

 please tell me, can you invest my money for me? if you agree, we shall both

share the total annual profit.


Remain bless,

Sayed Laila Esq.



My Dearest Sayed,


I just want you to know how luck and fortunate I am that you have contacted me.  I too am from Nigeria.  Not Sokoto, that is where all the assholes live.  I am actually from a village just south of your location called Tokotwalee.  It is a lovely town with beautiful sand and fleas.  I bet you would have never known this, but I was also in the real estate market up until last year.  I came down with a rare disease called Gordopenileenthrusame which is basically a overgrowth of the penis.  I went from 5″ to 14-1/2″ in over a year.  Sure some would love to have a penis growth of this magnitude, but do you know what it is like to carry around 3 pounds of flesh between your legs?  I have lost several girlfriends and I was even fired from my work because the boss said it was getting in the way.  So I have taken the advice from my doctor and I too am now taking it easy and avoiding stress.  Over the last several months I have found that gay Nigerian men are the only ones that can handle my penis size and I am very grateful for this.  I know that I will be able to keep having some sort of sex life.  So my dear Sayed I have a proposition for you.


If you are willing to come to America and let me stick my ENTIRE penis inside of you, I will consider your investment offer.  No one will have to know and I bet when we are through, you will be begging me for more.  Every man has a gay side to them, I think it is time to explore yours.  I am currently staying at the Hotel Ritz (room 232) in New York city.  I will be here for several months while the doctors see if there is some cure for my enormous penis.  I will be waiting for you my sweet Sayed.  Please consider my offer.  You will enjoy the annual profit and I will enjoy the anal.


Yours Truly

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