There are few things in life that really get my spark plug going; a good meal, some steamy coitus, hot dogs, taking long walks with my cat in a dog kennel and bad ass action movies. If you were to tell me tomorrow that a great 80’s style action movie was hitting the theater, I would be all over that bitch. The action movies of today are really a let down. Now hold on before you think I am crazy and you leave the page. I love all movies (in some way shape or form), I just think that the action heroes of the 80’s-90’s kick the shit out of any action hero out there today. Lets do some comparisons shall we:
The Arnold vs. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Do I really need to compare these two?
The Arnold is the legend man. He is the guy that every other guy wants to or wishes he could be. THIS IS NO JOKE! He came to America and is living the American dream to its fullest. Body builder turned greatest action hero to ever hit the screen.
The Rock was hoping to fill The Arnold’s shoes. It will never happen. Every redneck from Texas to Texas wishes they could be The Rock. He is every wrestling fan’s wettest dream. But what has he done. Ya ya he has been in a few action movies, but can you name at least one that was half way decent. I swear if you say The Rundown your computer will self masturbate in 15 seconds. The Rock can’t pull it off man. NO WAY! Why the hell do you think he is going for the pathetic/sympathetic roles now. He is trying to reel in the female fans as well. But guess what…there are none!
Like I said before. There was no comparison.
Who should we choose next…
Fuck it, we will go with the man of the hour-Sylvester Stallone vs. Christian Bale.
WOW! Now this is a hard mother fucker! Both great actors and both great action stars. But only one flaw for Bale. He is on the diversity role of acting. Ya sure Stallone tried it as well (do you remember Rhinestone) and he learned from his mistake. When you are a great action star, you stick to what you do best. Bale should be following this path as well. Yes he has been in some great non-action movies, but he is much better running around in his undies trying to light dragons on fire.
That was a little but harder of a cross examination, but you get my drift.
The 80’s action hero had to be tough, lean, mean, muscular, big balled, wise cracking, smart ass, suave, but not too sweet, blood hungry, gun toting, fist clenching, ready to go at a moments notice, and always, ALWAYS ready for action. The 80’s hero would stare you in the face while holding a conversation and the next minute the barrel of their magnum would be smoking from putting 80 rounds in your chest. Sure it was cheesy, but it was ACTION at its best.
Today it is all about the CG and that’s it. Really. Even your action stars of today are literally filming in a CG world. They have no environment to interact with. The 80’s action hero lived for his surroundings. With each new surrounding came a potential new idea for mayhem. They had to use their intellect to come up with crafty ideas to help them out of sticky situations. Today, they just blow up a green screen and say “we will just insert it later. So pretend you are standing on a nude beach surrounded by beautiful naked women.” What the fuck do you think Sean Connery would have said to that?
Sorry about the tangent. Now lets get down to business.
Sylvester Stallone is currently finishing up and is slated to direct his next project entitled The Expendables. Not a lot has leaked out there yet, but we do know that the simple plot has to do with a team of mercenaries going out to kick some ass on an evil dictator. Sounds compelling…
No, that is not the good part. Actually I should say great part. The fucking great part of this story that is getting my juices flowing is the cast. It is fucking unbelievable.
and Rumored is Sandra Bullock
There are a few more characters that have not been filled, but the rumor floating around is that this will be a very heavy weighted all star cast.
Seriously, did you catch the names above.
This could be either the greatest film that Stallone has embarked on, or it will be the biggest pile of shit that he has ever thought of. Oh ya sure go ahead all of you Rocky fans get all worked up. Have you ever really sat down and watched Rocky? It’s really not all that good. Drago, Clubber and Thunderlips were the best opponents he faced. Apollo was just there for fodder.
I am really looking forward to hearing more about this movie. Stallone’s biggest fatal flaw will be if he tries to make a bad ass 80’s movie with the technology of today. It just won’t work. He will fail and he will fail big time.