I had an insomniac moment last week and I was lying on the couch desperately trying to find something to watch that would hopefully put me to sleep. If it was not Tony Little jerking off to some new “pump me up device” it was some Mexican guy (didn’t this guy use to be a Japanese dude) trying to sell me some knife that was impervious to all known periodic matter (even kryptonite).
As I lay there in a half awake and half asleep trance I could slowly feel myself nodding off and on as I changed the channel. All of the sudden the terror began to hit my ears with a tremor that would have risen the Kraken. IT WAS THAT GOD FORSAKEN COMMERCIAL with Sarah McLaughlin. That fucking bitch with those damn gimped dogs and one eyed pirate cats. What the fuck man. Why? Why would they choose to freakin play that shit at 3 am. I’ll tell you why. They know that the only people that are up at 3 am are people that just got home from the bar or some idiot that is still trippin on X. They are sitting in front of their tv in the middle of an eating frenzy and all the sudden a commercial pops up that shows a fucking dog using the wheels off of a big wheel for hind legs. So what the hell do you do? Not using your right mind (because you are still fucked up) you feel sorry for this helpless creature and you call the damn 800 number and unload you bank account. But I was not sober. I was almost asleep. But after seeing ”Crusty” the one eyed wonder cat I could not help but play with my own emotions. I felt so compelled to keep watching this commercial that I actually felt guilty for trying to change the channel. Soon I felt a tear come down my cheek. What the FUCK was wrong with me? I don’t cry.
The next morning I went out and adopted 14 cats, 7 dogs, 2 hamsters and a damn iguana. So now that Sarah McLaughlin fucked my whole life up with that EVIL commercial, I would like to unleash it on the rest of the world. Please watch at your own risk…[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EYocy_DN60[/youtube]