Get Your Liev Shreiber Fix Before He Simultaneously Makes You Happy and Sad

You by now have surely seen the awesome visuals from the X-Men Origins: Wolverine Trailer, and although they have satiated your geek flavored need of X-Men deliciousness, you still want more.

Hugh Jackman’s “Australia” did little more than make you want to shoot the guy that was talking loudly in front of you during the next movie you went to, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.

Seeing another Ryan Reynolds romantic comedy is roughly the equivalent of John Wayne Bobbit starring in the sequel to “Groundhog Day”.

It’s been two years since you have seen Dominic Monaghan as Charlie Pace on “Lost”, and now that his character is dead, he continues to appear to Hurley as a ghost or who knows what…”Lost” isn’t going to do shit for you (nor is the fact that Dominic is banging on and off girlfriend Evangeline Lilly…this is one of those moments you are allowed to cry guys) …and do you really want to see him as the “Beak” (wtf?) in Wolverine. I could continue down the line…

Taylor Kitsch’s only project outside of X-Men is “Friday Night Lights”…exactly…

The only place to catch Lynn Collins (who incidentally Scorp knows in some sort of Kevin Bacon psycho kind of way…he knows the milk man who once caught the brother of the sisters dad’s uncle jerking off in a porta potty near the beach, patrolled by the cop of the sister’s brothers cousin’s football coach, who was kicked off the team for sleeping with the all star QB (who later was drafted by the football NY Giants (why the fuck do they always say the “football” NY Giants…how many other NY Giants are in NY??), that chauffeured for that guys dad, who smuggled condoms into the Guatemalan prison, who subsequently married the father of his second cousins mother that ran the pawn shop in 3rd Ward and had a child with the pawn shop owners son’s sister’s father’s aunt’s step uncle in Texas named Lynn Collins) is on another vampire show (as IF Twilight wasn’t enough) called True Blood (which incidentally stars Anna Paquin…hmm…maybe I’ll check it out).  BUT…there is only one vampire show I want to see in 2009

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUdOP3zs-WI[/youtube]

Kevin Durand (The Blob) could fill that need…if he finally commits to the Smokin Aces prequel.  But from everything that I’ve heard that’s not going to be the case…which actually sucks…(may still be some hope in IMDB land though)

No…I could go straight down the cast list but the only opportunity to get my Wolverine fix is to catch Liev Shreiber in one of his 4 movies of 2009, including the Wolverine movie and in a little movie that is coming out this New Years Eve…Wednesday, which I’ll talk a little bit more about in a bit….

But first, want to see him in a romantic comedy?  You got it:  Check him out in “Every Day” starring romantic comedy veteran Helen Hunt about a NY City couple in a “romantic crisis”…Oooo!  Want to see him in a cool futuristic sci fi thriller about a guy that buys a heart but can’t make the payments so he goes on the run?  Fuck yeah!  Check him out in:  Repossession Mambo (also starring Jude Law, Forrest Whittaker, and the RZA…yayee yayee!).  So that’s not good enough huh?  Want to see him in a movie that is about a guy working at his parents motel who somehow starts the events leading up to the generation defining concert of the 60’s…Woodstock (sweet!).  Except in this movie…Liev Shreiber stars as a transvestite named Vilma…hear that?  that’s the sound of the wind being let out of your sails…and for those keeping score at home, this will be his SECOND transvestite part.   God damn, that Ryan Reynolds flick isn’t looking so bad now is it?

I can understand an actor doing a “once in a life time part”, and many many actors have gone the transgender route…oh there’s been John Lithgow in The World According to Garp, Johnny Depp as Ed Wood, oh and these three guys…

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND JUST IN THIS WORLD!  I WANT TO TAKE A BUTTER KNIFE AND STICK IT RIGHT IN MY FUCKING EYES! IT’S LIKE LOOKING DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN!

focus man…focus…but Liev…we’ve already seen you go this route.  As a matter of fact, a lot of us were hoping that your portrayal of Sabretooth would actually punch out all of those bad visuals we had of you in that other movie you starred in as a transvestite…Mixed Nuts (god damn what a horrible name)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrpgCFfYSb4[/youtube]

(Ugh…I will never jerk off to Sandra Bullock ever again…)

Instead Liev, you are going through with another transvestite role and worse, it’s set to be released AFTER X-Men Origins: Wolverine.   So, Liev Schreiber fans that’s pretty much it.  You have only a few chances to catch him in some decent action roles before he does something to really fuck up your mind, like Bush did not so long ago…(two bags, one for Bush, and one for me in case Bush’s bag falls off)

But you don’t have to wait long.  That little movie that I mentioned earlier that is set to be released on New Years Eve, looks like it could be pretty fucking good.  Defiance stars Daniel Craig (007) and Jamie Moore (Jumper) as three Jewish brothers who escape Nazi Germany and take it upon themselves to join some Russian resistance fighters to help slow down the German eastern front, all the while defending a refugee village that they built in the middle of nowhere.  Check out the trailer and enjoy Liev while you can before it’s too late!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J4mN-W-p0A[/youtube]

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