So last night, shortly before I masturbated myself to sleep, I was reading the exclusive interview that IGN had with Byung Hun-Lee, the Korean mega-super star that is going to be playing one of the best characters from the GI Joe Movie and series, Storm Shadow (Ray Park is of course playing Snake Eyes).
And as I was sitting there reading the interview (which actually is a good interview, but nothing really new revealed), I couldn’t get over how fucking shitty the Storm Shadow “costume” looks.
Are you kidding me? Is Storm Shadow going to kick massive Joe ass, or is he going to play the piano at Carnegie Hall. Seriously. This movie is reminding me a lot of another shit movie with dumb costumes
Does anyone remember how to make a ninja outfit out of a t-shirt? Learning how to do that when I was young (and when Ninja flicks were really cool…thank you Sho Kosugi and Michael Dudikoff for your contributions…on second thought, fuck you Michael Dudikoff…) was one of the greatest accomplishments of my youth…well that and finally learning how to make the paper fortune teller game that you stuck your fingers in…god damn I got my ass kicked so many times playing that game. Should have just stuck with MASH)
Anyways, the Storm Shadow costume reminds me so much of those T-shirt Ninja costumes I used to make when I was young (see below for video of one of the premiere t-shirt ninja costume makers alive on the planet today, Billy Cock-Taste MacGreagor).
Honestly, I bet I could design the costumes for GI Joe. Fucking ridiculous and seriously pissing me off. What really disappoints me is that Ellen Mirojnick is the costume designer for this flick and she helped design the costumes for one of the greatest sci fi movies of all time: The Chronicles of Riddick.
Maybe I’m jumping the gun here, but I really, really have a gut feeling the movie is going to be garbage…trust me on this folks. Like Anatoli in Riddick, I have a nose for this type of shit.
Don’t get me wrong, I love GI Joe and was a giant fan of the original TV series but drop this goofy costume crap (outside of Stormshadow, all of the Joe’s are wearing black…looks really dumb. Dennis Quaid might as well be a new version of Van Damme) before you piss off a planet of fan boys.
You’d be better off watching another movie with ninja’s and the name “Storm” in it: Storm Riders 2 (Fung Wan 2…2009 release). Check out this video clip of a song from the original back in 1998. Sing along if you can!
Storm Riders is a tale about a guy named Lord Conquer (Sonny Chiba mother fuckers! (hello…Kill Bill, The Street Fighter and The Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift…forget that last one…seriously…total horse crap). Anyways, Lord Conquer receives a prophesy from the Mud Buddha (very cool) that two kids named Wind and Cloud if found will bring him good fortune. Lord Conquer searches high and low for the kids and eventually finds them.
10 years later, the Mud Buddha is found and reveals he was smoking coke 10 years before and in reality the two kids may bring the Lord Conquer good fortune, bad fortune, or both. So Lord Conquer gets his daughter Charity (yayee yayee) to get Cloud and Wind to fight each other creating a “love triangle”…
Wow…god damn this sounds like shit. Look, check out the original SR’s if you can. Decent special effects, decent martial arts, lots of fantasy fan fare. And yes, skip the GI Joe crap and then check out Stormriders 2…you won’t be disappointed.