Geek (Flavor) Shopping Guiding (Star Wars Edition)

Aww yeah mother fuckers!  I’m back with the second edition of the geek flavorful Christmas Shopping Extravaganza!  And this week, I’m pulling out my light saber and dangling it right in your face with a scrumptiously tasty serving of Star Wars Geek Flavor!

With only less than a week away to Big Black Friday, you’ll want to find the shit that your geek-sig-Star Wars-fan-other wants when he or she opens up their wonderful presents on Christmas morn (trust me, you can go the cheap route, like I do every year for me when I wrap up my Peter (Petrelli) in Star Wars wrapping, and present it to myself.  “MERRY CHRISTMAS!”  But even I have to admit, unwrapping that fuzzy cuddly morsel every single year can have it’s limits).  Listen to me fools!  Spend the dough and get some of this shit!

All right, today I’m bringing to you several goodies that should be on your radar from now until D.24.

For the Star Wars fan, who depending on age, Star Wars prowess, and general body hygiene, may have varying degrees of fandom intensity, you can’t go wrong with the following three tiers on the economic scale of gifts.

So you don’t have a lot of cash, but you want to get a gift that your little Star Wars fan will find absolutely cool on Dec 25th, you only need to go no further than your local Target, Wal-Mart, or Toys-R-Us to find these guys.  Yep, the coolest thing since the original Kenner Star Wars action figures that came out back in the late 70’s and early 80’s and if you have been living under a rock the past year or so:  Mighty Muggs!

They are about 7″ inches tall and I have no idea what they are made out of because every one that I have bought is still in it’s original box.  Shit, they may actually be impossible to play with.  But damn they look good on my shelf and the boxes they come in look really cool too!  Yeah, look I played with all of my Star Wars toys…like Archie in a Fish Called Wanda would say…”REEEAL GOOD”.  Headless, armless, torsoless, bite marks, burn marks, insertion wear.  You name it, they got it.  If you ever were to be reincarnated as a toy and you could pick a point in time to go back to to reincarnate, do not pick a star wars or GI Joe figure, at my house, when I was around 8 years old.  You will do and see things no one should ever see…

All right, so the real cool thing about the Muggs is that they cost around $10 bucks (give or take depending on where you buy them AND how rare they are.  Yep, some are already “rare” and are going for $60/70 bucks on   No shit).

Here are some more.  I’ve included some of the Indiana Jones ones, the Marvel ones, GI Joe ones and the Transformers ones to just to whet your appetite (and wet your pants).  Cool shit!

And yes, that IS Soundwave…NiCE!  That mother fucker better be in the next Transformers movie and he better have Ravage and Lazerbeak (but not Squawktalk) or I’m going to burn, rape, and pilage all over Hasbro headquarters…

That’s right Brian, you goofy fuck…starting right with your office…

All right, so you think the Mighty Muggs are a little cheap looking and you want something with a little bit more detail and SW coolness associated with it.  Well get out your pocket books and take a look at these so called vinyl collectible dolls.  I first saw some of these at the Star Wars Celebration last year in Los Angeles and picked up the Darth Vader one.  Since then I have purchased both of the ROTJ and EMSB Boba Fetts, and the tie fighter pilot and currently have the next one pre-ordered, Darth Maul.  Yayee yayee!

I missed out on the Shadowguard one (Comic Con 2008 exclusive) but I’ll be there next year for whatever additional ones they are going to add.

I’ve seen ones of Wicket, Yoda, C3PO, TC-14 (silver C3PO), the red Imperial Royal Guard, and I think there is a Jawa floating around.  Oh, I’ve also seen some stormtroopers and clone troopers and the very rare Black Hole Stormtrooper (NiCE).

Whatever, they are cool.  They are approximately 9″ inches tall and cost anywhere from $70 bucks up (depending on where you get them.  Medicom and Sideshow Collectibles sell some. I got the two Fett’s from, but they don’t have them up anymore.  Google search is probably the best bet, although just for YOU I did a quick one for the Fett’s and could not find them anywhere).  I have not opened the Fett’s, but I have the Darth Vader and TIE Fighter Pilot opened.

Check this shit out, in regards to detail on these things, the Darth Vader helmet comes a la the meditation chamber scene in ESB (including a nice brainy shot from behind).  Too cool…Put your light saber away before you poke your eye out…


All right, so maybe these goodies aren’t GOOD enough for you and your spoiled little shit for a star wars mate.  So check this next kick ass thing out.  Not only are these impossibly hard to find (as far as I can tell there are not a lot out there, less than a thousand were made for each edition), but you have to travel your ass to Disney to get them (well I have heard that you can order these online and there was an event on but that already passed).

Even crazier than that, you can only get them during the Star Wars Weekends held every June at Disney.  Ok, couple of fibs, you can actually pick up the Defend the Ears Mickey below at Disney, probably right now today,  but that was the only one I saw there back in August.  The other ones…gone.  Oh and ebay and other Disney associated online outlets are the king for selling these, but at 100% mark up minimum (they retail at Disney for $150 sans shipping.  Online, they go anywhere from $300 to $600).  Super Wallet Destroyers yes, but the coolest things around.  Check them out

They are all approximately 14″ to 36″ inches tall and each come with their own base.  The more recent ones have the base light up and all have some aspect of them that lights up (e.g. lightsaber etc).  And I think they are made of clay…not sure…all I know is that they are heavy as shit.

Yes the Darth Maul/Darth Donald is the coolest and you can currently find this on ebay for around $400 bucks (Yikes!).  But let me tell you, they are worth every penny.  Sure my Defend the Ears Mickey looks ridiculous hovering over my bed in the master bedroom, but it is by far the coolest Star Wars “collectible” that I own.  When the apocalypse finally hits, you can bet your testicles I will be carrying it with me fighting off the hordes of zombies and undead that try to take it.

And if you can’t find these…the next batch comes out for Star Wars Weekends 2009.  As soon as I find out what the new ones are I’ll share with you…

Fine, you don’t like Disney AND Star Wars, I get it (you are a cretin, a scoundrel, and a cock lover…that’s all I’m going to say), so just for you, here are two more Big Money Star Wars items that should be on your Fan Boys Wish list and both should be really really easy to find.

Escorpion bought this bad boy a couple of months ago, and I WANT ONE!!  And the picture below doesn’t do it any justice.  No Han Solo and Chewbacca are not that fucking big.  This thing is huge though.  The Falcon measures in easily at 2′ long (a large pepperoni pizza for those keeping score at home)

It’s got kick ass movie sound effects…

“Don’t get cocky kid!”  Yes!

Han and Chewy riding shot gun…NiCE…

A hidden compartment for Han to stash his glitterstim spice and Luke to stash his young boy padawans he finds on various planets…

I don’t know what the fuck this is.  Is that the room where Luke practices with the training probe?

Hell yes…the ramp comes down and the lights light up…very cool.

The original one was very cool (and I wish I actually had one…sorry Scorp, too bad your mom tossed this one out too)

But the new one is still the shit…

And if the Falcon isn’t your cup of tea, go out and finally get one of those bad ass Force FX lightsabers.  Here is one dudes Force Fx collection.  Any other lightsaber is pure garbage.


Oh and don’t forget, the Darth Maul Force Fx Lightsaber is only ONE LIGHTSABER.  YOU HAVE TO BUY TWO TO GET THE DOUBLE SABER EFFECT THAT HE IS FAMOUS FOR. You can get these anywhere from $80 bucks to $110.  Check periodically because they seem to always have those 24 hour sales that really get you some sweet deals.

I unfortunately do not have one yet, but I’ve seen them at the store and I have a relative that has one…it’s sturdy, bad ass, makes sound effects when you swing.  I will probably be one of those dopes that keeps saying “Yeah I’ll wait til later to get one.  They ARE after all in every store”  Until they are all gone and I’m fucking 70’s years old shitting my pants drooling saying stupid shit like “I should have bought a god damn Force FX lightsaber”.  I better figure this shit out before I see Santa this week…

So there you have it, some gifts for the real cheap azz in your life (e.g. your Peter (Petrelli) wrapped and delivered for Christmas), someone that doesn’t want to spend too much (e.g. Star Wars Mighty Muggs…hell yeah…best value), someone that wants to spend less than $100 bucks but not be too cheap (vinyl collectible dolls…sounds like something your sister would play with…trust me…only tough Star Wars Boys play with these dolls) and the ultimate in Star Wars gifts (e.g. Disney Star Wars Big Figs, a giant fucking replica of the Millenium Falcon (with Solo and Chewy…yes!) or any of the multitude of Force FX lightsabers (don’t ever buy those stupid plastic ones that you have to wrist fling to get the lightsaber to come up.  I will destroy you and that stupid toy maker if they continue to sell that crap)

Look for the next edition of the Geek Flavor Christmas Shopping Guide to come out soon…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *